After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
