Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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