and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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