Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize