she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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