You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
