you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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