took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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