How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
