i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
