Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
