Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
