You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
