A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My ATM looks so different sober.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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