Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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