There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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