today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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