Sry I called you an 8
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
