we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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