New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she told me i tasted like america
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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