did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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