So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
