Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
