I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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