Fuck appropriateness.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
