Michael Bay diarrhea
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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