we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
