i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
