Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
