there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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