i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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