The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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