After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
