there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
