yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
