I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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