stop calling my apartment porn island.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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