READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
