Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
