I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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