I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
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My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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