This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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