i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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