Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
