Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
