I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
