Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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