best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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