Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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