Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
two words: eviction party
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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