nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
