Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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