You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
