Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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