He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
