i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
