we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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