I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
