I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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