My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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