there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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