You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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